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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 476

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135362 What is the importance of kindness in everyday life? 에*미 완료 2024-03-08 2
135361 Homework 김*원 완료 2024-03-08 599
135360 Homework 이*준 완료 2024-03-08 385
135359 Establishments 이*규 완료 2024-03-08 592
135358 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-03-08 607
135357 My favrite spring moment. 최*원 완료 2024-03-08 351
135356 Do you want to live in the countryside someday? Why or why not? 신*규 완료 2024-03-08 226
135355 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Is music... 앨* 완료 2024-03-08 2
135354 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-03-08 481
135353 What is the first thing that you always do when you visit a new... 박*우 완료 2024-03-08 385
135352 What are the benefits of learning a second language? 황*은 완료 2024-03-08 303
135351 What comes to mind when you hear the word \'dinosaur\'? 박*현 완료 2024-03-08 339
135350 Do you prefer package tours, or making your own trip? 권*희 완료 2024-03-08 381
135349 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-03-08 1025
135348 a place I would like to visit in the future. 강*수 완료 2024-03-08 424
135347 How good are you at interacting with people face to face? 신*섭 완료 2024-03-08 594
135346 In your opinion, why do you think some people want to change... 신*섭 완료 2024-03-08 418
135345 weekend 권*희 완료 2024-03-08 331
135344 How much do you enjoy shopping? How often do you shop? 권*지 완료 2024-03-08 4
135343 HOMEWORK FOR 03.08.2024 WRITING TASK: How do you typically react... 임*지 완료 2024-03-08 6

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