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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 479

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135342 Homwework 김*님 완료 2024-03-08 318
135341 No need for human resources 양*연 완료 2024-03-08 448
135340 What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? 김*지 완료 2024-03-08 1
135339 Describe a subject you enjoyed studying at school 오*소 완료 2024-03-08 8
135338 Are you a risk-taker? Why or why not? 김*지 완료 2024-03-08 1
135337 In what way is learning English an adventure for you? 김*지 완료 2024-03-08 487
135336 What was the most difficult time of your life? 오*소 완료 2024-03-08 6
135335 homework 유*린 완료 2024-03-07 484
135334 Today\'s homework 이*도 완료 2024-03-07 599
135333 About religion 강*율 완료 2024-03-07 1
135332 Homework 황*혜 완료 2024-03-07 327
135331 Homework 이*경 완료 2024-03-07 1
135330 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-03-07 408
135329 Hi, Harmoney 추*혁 완료 2024-03-07 509
135328 What\'s your hometown like? 차*혁 완료 2024-03-07 488
135327 mijin 김*진 완료 2024-03-07 3
135326 What are your hobbies? 차*진 완료 2024-03-07 474
135325 homework 03.07 최*� 완료 2024-03-07 317
135324 How many toy cars do you have? 최*성 완료 2024-03-07 185
135323 What does your aunt do? 최*성 완료 2024-03-07 312

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