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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1331

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136839 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-04-30 1261
136838 HW 나*진 완료 2024-04-30 978
136837 How good are you at playing sports? How could you be better? 오*현 완료 2024-04-30 857
136836 Homework- I really appreciate it. 윤*선 완료 2024-04-30 1435
136835 place 민*정 완료 2024-04-30 1
136834 What other English words with the short or lax vowel sound [ih]... 박*연 완료 2024-04-30 1040
136833 What things are there to look forward to about old age? 윤*진 완료 2024-04-30 2
136832 Homework 4 송*훈 완료 2024-04-30 1356
136831 diary 김*연 완료 2024-04-30 0
136830 Language 최*정 완료 2024-04-30 2
136829 What are the pros and cons of rock climbing to keep fit and... 박*호 완료 2024-04-30 1045
136828 Not keeping pets 양*연 완료 2024-04-30 1043
136827 Are you scared zombies? 이*노 완료 2024-04-30 1581
136826 29.Apr.2024 김*정 완료 2024-04-30 1
136825 How did soccer become your national sport? 김*욱 완료 2024-04-30 1596
136824 Who seems to be the best magic performer these days? 박*연 완료 2024-04-30 908
136823 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-04-29 2
136822 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-29 1020
136821 Can you think of any recent innovations in South Korea\'s... 오*솜 완료 2024-04-29 0
136820 The clock 이*규 완료 2024-04-29 1532

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