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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1341

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136908 HOMEWORK 박*은 완료 2024-05-03 2
136907 What facilities should the government make available for the... 오*소 완료 2024-05-03 0
136906 Page.4 김*진 완료 2024-05-03 0
136905 Do you think napping is important? 박*연 완료 2024-05-02 750
136904 What is your go-to restaurant or cafe? 김*규 완료 2024-05-02 1
136903 no pain no gain 임*준 완료 2024-05-02 889
136902 homework 05.02 최*� 완료 2024-05-02 1084
136901 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-02 1
136900 What problems do you encounter when you are not truthful? 황*은 완료 2024-05-02 1043
136899 About my future 이*규 완료 2024-05-02 1022
136898 How do you feel if people gossip about you? 박*은 완료 2024-05-02 857
136897 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-05-02 1035
136896 2024.05.01 남*례 완료 2024-05-02 1140
136895 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-05-02 927
136894 Homework 송*훈 완료 2024-05-02 922
136893 What decade has produced the best music? 오*현 완료 2024-05-02 991
136892 control 민*정 완료 2024-05-02 1
136891 Home 권*미 완료 2024-05-02 0
136890 Home 권*미 완료 2024-05-02 0
136889 Home 권*미 완료 2024-05-02 0

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