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How can we disconnect from our phones to truly experience the present moment?

이진태/2025-01-09

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
During event like a new year celebration, we can see easily that many people don't enjoy the festival and they only tried to take a picture. If they realize that enjoying is more important than recording a history, they would disconnect thier phone.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hello! I'm so glad you made the effort to finish the homework. You did an outstanding job expressing your thoughts—keep up the excellent work!^^
~~Teacher Ryka^^

During event like a new year celebration, we can see easily that many people don't enjoy the festival and they only tried to take a picture.
>> During events like New Year celebrations, it’s easy to see that many people don’t enjoy the festival; they only try to take pictures. 

If they realize that enjoying is more important than recording a history, they would disconnect thier phone.
If they realized that enjoying the moment is more important than recording it, they would put their phones away.
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