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My research about breast cancer in men.

차치환/2024-09-30

회원님의 올려주신 영작문

I’m doing some research about breast cancer in men. The aim of my research is the prognostic outcome in male patients. Previous research for this topic from Western countries suggested that male patients had poorer outcome compared in women. However, there is very few research with Asian cohort about this topic. So, I hope to find out if there is a similar trend about prognostic outcome in male patients among Asian, and investigate potential differences in clinical factors such as cancer biology, epidemiologics or the use of treatment modalities (i.e, chemotherapy, type of surgery, or radiotherapy) between western and asian countries. I wish to collect patient’s data from multicenters in South Korea and Japan, and merge it as a big Asian cohort.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Dr. David!

It is wonderful to see you here on this page!

Thank you for reiterating your research purpose about breast cancer in men. I can realize the scarcity of studies made in the past hence, the need for your research to pursue as reference for future cases. With the data collated from your team, you can add to the existing studies. This will be beneficial for future doctors.

Below, you can see some underscored words and they have different forms or patterns. You may notice that prepositions are attached to some verbs as 'verb idioms'. Meanwhile, when mentioning nouns as a general idea, they are always in plural form. You can observe this on your fourth sentence. Nevertheless, this is a very good piece of academic writing. Keep it up!

See you in class soon.

-T. Donna~

I’m doing some research about breast cancer in men. The aim of my research is the prognostic outcome in male patients.

>> Correct!

Previous research for this topic from Western countries suggested that male patients had poorer outcome compared in women.

>> Previous research for this topic from Western countries suggested that male patients had poorer outcome compared to women.

However, there is very few research with Asian cohort about this topic.

>> Correct!
Or: However, there are very few researches with Asian cohorts about this topic.

So, I hope to find out if there is a similar trend about prognostic outcome in male patients among Asian, and investigate potential differences in clinical factors such as cancer biology, epidemiologics or the use of treatment modalities (i.e, chemotherapy, type of surgery, or radiotherapy) between western and asian countries.

>> So, I hope to find out if there is a similar trend about prognostic outcomes in male patients among Asians, and investigate potential differences in clinical factors such as cancer biology, epidemiologic or the use of treatment modalities (i.e, chemotherapy, type of surgery, or radiotherapy) between western and Asian countries. Very good sentence!

I wish to collect patient’s data from multicenters in South Korea and Japan, and merge it as a big Asian cohort.

>> Correct!