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How important are cosmetics

김보연/2024-09-23

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
Actually most people think making up using cosmetics is really important when they go to formal place. And they don't want to look like getting old, so they tend to use cosmetics for anti-aging. It's same with me. Cosmetics are really important to me because I have part time job and meet students and their parents everyday. Therefore I use cosmetics for making up everyday.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hi, Betty
I appreciate you giving your thoughts on the matter. Indeed, there are still those who think that natural beauty is preferable, but things are changing all the time, including the fact that not just women but also men are starting to wear cosmetics.
Chammy
Actually most people think making up using cosmetics is really important when they go to formal place.
>> Actually, most people think making up using cosmetics is really important when they go to formal places.
OR
>> The majority of people believe that applying makeup in formal settings is important.
And they don't want to look like getting old, so they tend to use cosmetics for anti-aging. 
OR
>> Also, they often use anti-aging cosmetics since they don't want to appear older than they actually are.
It's same with me.
>> It's the same with me. 
 Cosmetics are really important to me because I have part-time job and meet students and their parents everyday.
>>  Cosmetics are really important to me because I have a part-time job and meet students and their parents every day.
OR
>>I work a part-time job and interact with students and their parents daily, so cosmetics are very essential to me.
 Therefore I use cosmetics for making up every day.
OR
>> I therefore apply makeup every day using cosmetics.
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