영작교정 첨삭 서비스

현재위치

Home > 영작교정 첨삭 서비스

Is there a particular artist or band that has influenced your life in a positive way?

박순호/2024-08-13

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
I have experienced how the arts, such as songs, movies, and plays, play a big role in social change. I came to Seoul for the first time after leaving my rural hometown in 1986 when I entered college. At that time, Korea's citizens' democratization movement against the dictatorship was in full swing. College students like me also left their studies behind and joined the protesters every day to participate in the democracy movement. At that time, there was a singing group that sang protest songs at the protest site to liven up the atmosphere. We called them ‘People Seeking Songs’. They were not a specific band, but a union of singing circles from various universities in Seoul. In conclusion, their role greatly contributed to Korea's successful democratization in the mid-1980s and significant economic development. This morning, while doing my writing homework, I listened to the song again and reminisced.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Happy Tuesday, Sun! 

The importance of music goes beyond recalling memories and mood regulation. Music can also be a therapeutic tool for stress relief, healing, and emotional processing. In fact, some therapists use music therapy to manage conditions like anxiety, dementia, and substance use disorders, improving patients' quality of life.

- Kristine ^^ 

I have experienced how the arts, such as songs, movies, and plays, play a big role in social change.
>> Correct. 
I came to Seoul for the first time after leaving my rural hometown in 1986 when I entered college.
>> Correct. 
Or >> In 1986, when I started college, I left my small town and went to Seoul for the first time.
At that time, Korea's citizens' democratization movement against the dictatorship was in full swing.
>> Correct. 
College students like me also left their studies behind and joined the protesters every day to participate in the democracy movement.
>> Students in college, like me, abandoned their studies to join the demonstrators daily in support of the democratic cause.
At that time, there was a singing group that sang protest songs at the protest site to liven up the atmosphere.
>> To lighten the mood at the protest location at the time, a singing group was performing protest songs.
We called them ‘People Seeking Songs’.
>> Correct. 
They were not a specific band, but a union of singing circles from various universities in Seoul.
>> Correct. 
In conclusion, their role greatly contributed to Korea's successful democratization in the mid-1980s and significant economic development.
>> Correct. 
This morning, while doing my writing homework, I listened to the song again and reminisced.
>> I listened to the song again this morning and thought back on the past while working on my writing assignment.
이전글 목록 다음글