영작교정 첨삭 서비스

현재위치

Home > 영작교정 첨삭 서비스

How does your culture or society view aging, and how does it affect people's lives as they grow old

박소은/2024-05-20

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
The elderly population is increasing in Korea. The proportion of people over 65 years old is approaching 30%. Accordingly, the government's welfare policies and silver towns are increasing.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Good afternoon, Anna!
It's important to see that the government is responding to the needs of the growing elderly population. Enhanced welfare policies and the development of silver towns can significantly improve the quality of life for older adults. It's crucial to continue supporting these initiatives as the demographic shift progresses.
~Kelly^^
The elderly population is increasing in Korea.
>> Correct
OR:
>> Korea's elderly population is on the rise.
The proportion of people over 65 years old is approaching 30%.
>> Correct
OR:
>> The percentage of people aged 65 and older is nearing 30%.
Accordingly, the government's welfare policies and silver towns are increasing.
>> Correct
OR:
>> The government is expanding its welfare policies and increasing the number of silver towns.
이전글 목록 다음글