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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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서비스 입니다.

Why do you think some people believes in astrology?

작성자: 김*경
2025-03-04 498

회원님의 영작문

I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God’s wills inside it. So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Steve!

Your text effectively explores the significance of astrology in helping people through hardships and its presence in historical and religious contexts. You present a balanced perspective by acknowledging both the potential benefits and the dangers of misinterpreting astrological guidance. Great job! To enhance clarity, consider refining some sentences for smoother flow and coherence. Keep up the thoughtful writing!
~Teacher Jess
 
I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. 
>> CORRECT

In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. 
>> In this regard, people with a cultural connection to astrology may seek to overcome hardship with the help of astrological wisdom.

Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. 
>> Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to triumph over obstacles by astrological wisdom.

Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
>> Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men, who seemed to be astrologers, appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Messiah.

In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God’s wills inside it. 
>> In short, I think there must be a divine plan in the movement of stars in space, and astrology could be meaningful in understanding God's will.

So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made. 
>> If we keep our focus on God, astrology can lead us to a better life. Otherwise, it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are living gods, which was a big mistake humanity made.
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