¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Why do you think some people believes in astrology?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2025-03-04 501

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God¡¯s wills inside it. So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve!

Your text effectively explores the significance of astrology in helping people through hardships and its presence in historical and religious contexts. You present a balanced perspective by acknowledging both the potential benefits and the dangers of misinterpreting astrological guidance. Great job! To enhance clarity, consider refining some sentences for smoother flow and coherence. Keep up the thoughtful writing!
~Teacher Jess
 
I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. 
>> CORRECT

In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. 
>> In this regard, people with a cultural connection to astrology may seek to overcome hardship with the help of astrological wisdom.

Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. 
>> Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to triumph over obstacles by astrological wisdom.

Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
>> Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men, who seemed to be astrologers, appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Messiah.

In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God¡¯s wills inside it. 
>> In short, I think there must be a divine plan in the movement of stars in space, and astrology could be meaningful in understanding God's will.

So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made. 
>> If we keep our focus on God, astrology can lead us to a better life. Otherwise, it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are living gods, which was a big mistake humanity made.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143051 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 359
143050 2025.03.13 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 327
143049 fake ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 359
143048 The homework of 14th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 406
143047 What do you like to do in your free time? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 313
143046 3/13 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 1
143045 Talk about your favorite day of the week ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 393
143044 What life choices did you regret the most? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 412
143043 Difference between public and private hospitals ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 365
143042 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 370
143041 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 370
143040 My regret and plan ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 498
143039 homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 0
143038 Would you like to live in your hometown for the rest of your... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 2
143037 Write the correct possessive pronoun ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143036 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143035 What is your opinion on online shopping? Have you ever had a... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143034 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 418
143033 Do you like reading books or watching movies more? Why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143032 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 365

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04