¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun rather than taking up a hobby. Do you a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-03 445

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with this statement.
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please take note of the proper vocabulary words.
They go well with the sentences you made.
This is the best composition you have submitted as of this time.
Let's do better as we go along.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I totally agree with this statement.
>> Correct
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
>> Today's malls provide everything to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
>> They can relax and have fun there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.
>> If they want to take up a hobby, they would go to the gym or the park instead of the malls.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143105 How do you keep yourself fit? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 361
143104 The homework for 17th March. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 501
143103 What kind of food do you prefer having in a restaurant? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 1
143102 2025.03.18 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 422
143101 responsibility ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 0
143100 Some people believe that governments should provide free... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 4
143099 polpice officer ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 2
143098 firefighter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 2
143097 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 372
143096 How was your experience competing with your friends in a golf... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 391
143095 Why do you think people should/shouldn\'t jave hobbies ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 398
143094 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 372
143093 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 470
143092 Can you think of a time when you went the extra mile for someone... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-18 2
143091 Expectation of class ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 405
143090 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 345
143089 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 0
143088 What is your favorite Mexican food? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 422
143087 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 422
143086 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04