¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun rather than taking up a hobby. Do you a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-03 140

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with this statement.
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please take note of the proper vocabulary words.
They go well with the sentences you made.
This is the best composition you have submitted as of this time.
Let's do better as we go along.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I totally agree with this statement.
>> Correct
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
>> Today's malls provide everything to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
>> They can relax and have fun there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.
>> If they want to take up a hobby, they would go to the gym or the park instead of the malls.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142187 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1
142186 Does your country have a special food for any of the seasons?... Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 5
142185 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 625
142184 What\'s your thoughts on boys cooking? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 646
142183 Give me five sentences using the word \'kindly\'. Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142182 How do you usually tell people about your plans? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142181 I think it\'s a good way to promote Korean culture. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 767
142180 Motivation comes from the interest of close people. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 652
142179 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1029
142178 Do you always follow street signs when you see them? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 4
142177 Too important two things for relationship our lives ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142176 My favorite Mexican food is ¡®Taco¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 480
142175 What is your ideal boss? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 642
142174 It\'s hard, but it\'s fun to learn something new. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 671
142173 Hi sharon ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 0
142172 15Jan2025_home work ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 522
142171 24Jan2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 575
142170 20Jan2025-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 571
142169 Can you please tell me the story behind your favorite book? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142168 1/23 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04