¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

introduction of yourself

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2025-02-20 342

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I¡¯m Hyuna Lee and my English name is Isabelle.
When I sayed it, People asked me if I¡¯m christian.
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name.
but I¡¯m not. I just liked it and decided to do it.

I'm 29 years old in Korea age.

I from south korea and I lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.

I am currently working as a designer.
and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design.
I¡¯m satisfied with my current job.
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
I aim to work for a company that will provide me with a stable finance and position.

My hobby is hiking.
There are a lot of mountains in my country, and I love going to them.
Being in the forest make me feel so peaceful and It¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
I usually go to a mountain near my house.
and I try to go whenever I have free time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Isabelle!
Thank you for your hard work! ^^ Great job sharing about yourself! Just watch for word choices and sentence flow. Here are some refinements for clarity and natural phrasing.

"sayed" ¡æ "said" (past tense correction)
"People" ¡æ "people" (no capital letter needed)
"I from South Korea" ¡æ "I am from South Korea" (missing verb)
"in Korea age" ¡æ "in Korean age" (natural phrasing)
"developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design." ¡æ "developing tile patterns that resemble wood and stone." (more natural)
"Being in the forest make me feel" ¡æ "Being in the forest makes me feel" (subject-verb agreement)

Your content is great—these small tweaks will make it even smoother!

CONTENT:
I¡¯m Hyuna Lee and my English name is Isabelle.
- CORRECT.
When I sayed it, People asked me if I¡¯m christian.
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name.
but I¡¯m not. 
- When I said it, people asked me if I¡¯m Christian
because ¡®Isabelle¡¯ sounds like a baptismal name,
but I¡¯m not. 
I just liked it and decided to do it.
-  I just liked it and decided to use it.

I'm 29 years old in Korea age.
- I'm 29 years old in Korean age.

I from south korea and I lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.
- I am from South Korea, and I have lived in ¡®Asan¡¯ my whole life.

I am currently working as a designer. and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood or stone, texture design.
- I am currently working as a designer,
and my main job is developing patterns for tiles like wood and stone textures.
I¡¯m satisfied with my current job.
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
- I¡¯m satisfied with my current job,
but I¡¯m also exploring other opportunities to work at a better company.
I aim to work for a company that will provide me with a stable finance and position.
- CORRECT.

My hobby is hiking.
- CORRECT.
There are a lot of mountains in my country, and I love going to them.
- CORRECT.
Being in the forest make me feel so peaceful and It¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
Being in the forest makes me feel so peaceful, and it¡¯s also fun to go with friends, have a picnic, and chat together.
I usually go to a mountain near my house.
and I try to go whenever I have free time.
- I usually go to a mountain near my house, and I try to go whenever I have free time.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139774 Homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1
139773 homework ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1
139772 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1
139771 Cinema ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1377
139770 What do you think of adults playing with toys? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1413
139769 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 0
139768 Which do you think is better, cold or hot drinks? Why? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1467
139767 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1
139766 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 0
139765 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 1
139764 HOMEWORK FOR 09.06.2024 WRITING TASK: is it necessary to meet... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-08 3
139763 homework ¹Ú*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-07 1
139762 Homework ¿À*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-07 9
139761 Homework : What\'s the most memorable birthday gift you\'ve ever... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-09-07 1514
139760 How much reliable tour information in social media? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-07 1501
139759 Hanbok is the most proud culture of South Korea. ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-09-07 1579
139758 I introduce myself Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-06 7
139757 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-09-06 1562
139756 What was the last movie you saw at the cinema ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-06 1984
139755 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-06 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04