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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Q) Are you looking forward to your retirement?

작성자: 최*영
2024-08-30 516

회원님의 영작문

No. I am not. To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Mika! I understand your concerns about retirement, especially given Korea's low birth rate and the challenges with the national pension system. It’s natural to worry about financial and emotional stability.
~T. Jenna

No. I am not.  To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. 
>>No, I am not. To be honest, I am worried about life after retirement.
It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. 
>>It is a well-known fact that Korea has experienced an unprecedented low birth rate.
It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. 
Correct, or
>>This suggests that we could face a dwindling workforce in the near future.
Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. 
Correct, or
>>Given the national pension system, which functions under the 'pay-as-you-go' economic model or principle, governments generally collect contributions from the current workforce and subsequently allocate these funds to pensioners.
Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. 
Correct, or
>>Therefore, a shrinking younger generation results in a reduced workforce, creating considerable uncertainty regarding the stability of my pension post-retirement.
Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. 
Correct, or
>>Furthermore, I am apprehensive about my social network after retirement, particularly given my current single status.
I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. 
>>I prefer to marry a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows whether it will be possible or not.
OR
>>I’d like to marry someone who’s a good match for me, but it’s uncertain whether that will actually happen.
If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. 
Correct, or
>>If I were to age alone, I would likely feel solitary and estranged.
In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.
Correct, or
>>In conclusion, I’m quite downbeat about life after quitting a job, especially when it comes to financial and emotional stability.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140899 Homework N 오*봄 진행중 2024-11-11 0
140898 Page 47. N 김*진 진행중 2024-11-11 0
140897 HOMEWORK N 박*애 진행중 2024-11-11 2
140896 What activities do you usually do when you meet friends? 진*호 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140895 How can having a hobby be bad? 진*호 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140894 What\'s your \"lucky\" color, and why do you think it\'s lucky? 이*범 완료 2024-11-10 1
140893 What extracurricular activities do you enjoy and hate? Explain. 차*진 진행중 2024-11-10 3
140892 What\'s the best thing about elementary first graders? 차*혁 진행중 2024-11-10 5
140891 Homework 김*우 진행중 2024-11-10 0
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140888 Home work for Friday ( 8th Novemder ) 김*용 진행중 2024-11-10 3
140887 If you could have a dinosaur as a pet, what would you name it? 윤*원 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140886 Is it possible to be happy all the time? 윤*원 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140885 Should beauty standards include people of all shapes, sizes, and... 윤*원 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140884 How can you be more mindful of your phone usage? 윤*원 진행중 2024-11-10 0
140883 Has your country had a female leader? Are female leaders... 김*경 진행중 2024-11-09 4
140882 homework 이*숙 진행중 2024-11-09 5
140881 Homework 오*현 진행중 2024-11-09 0
140880 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-11-08 6

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