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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Q) Are you looking forward to your retirement?

작성자: 최*영
2024-08-30 67

회원님의 영작문

No. I am not. To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Ms. Mika! I understand your concerns about retirement, especially given Korea's low birth rate and the challenges with the national pension system. It’s natural to worry about financial and emotional stability.
~T. Jenna

No. I am not.  To be honesty, I am worried about living after retirement. 
>>No, I am not. To be honest, I am worried about life after retirement.
It is a well-known fact that Korea have experienced an unprecedented low birth rate. 
>>It is a well-known fact that Korea has experienced an unprecedented low birth rate.
It means that there will be insufficient workers in the near future. 
Correct, or
>>This suggests that we could face a dwindling workforce in the near future.
Considering the national pension system which is the economic term “pay-as-you-go”, governments usually collect money from the current workers, and then distribute it to pensioners. 
Correct, or
>>Given the national pension system, which functions under the 'pay-as-you-go' economic model or principle, governments generally collect contributions from the current workforce and subsequently allocate these funds to pensioners.
Therefore, fewer young generation results in fewer workers, leading to high uncertainty of my pension after retirement. 
Correct, or
>>Therefore, a shrinking younger generation results in a reduced workforce, creating considerable uncertainty regarding the stability of my pension post-retirement.
Moreover, I am worried about social circle after retirement since I am still single. 
Correct, or
>>Furthermore, I am apprehensive about my social network after retirement, particularly given my current single status.
I prefer to get married to a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows it would be possible or not. 
>>I prefer to marry a man who is compatible with me, but nobody knows whether it will be possible or not.
OR
>>I’d like to marry someone who’s a good match for me, but it’s uncertain whether that will actually happen.
If I were getting older alone, I must feel isolated and alienated. 
Correct, or
>>If I were to age alone, I would likely feel solitary and estranged.
In conclusion, I am quite pessimistic about life after quitting a job when it comes to financial stability and emotional stability.
Correct, or
>>In conclusion, I’m quite downbeat about life after quitting a job, especially when it comes to financial and emotional stability.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
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139898 HOMEWORK FOR 09.13.2024 WRITING TASK: What’s the most annoying... 임*지 완료 2024-09-13 2
139897 Which beverages do you think are the most popular in the world... 임*미 완료 2024-09-13 50
139896 Do you have any harmless bad habits? Do they annoy other people? 김*연 완료 2024-09-13 42
139895 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-09-13 47
139894 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-09-12 3
139893 homework 이*도 완료 2024-09-12 45
139892 The positive side of \"Are smartphones ruining our world?\" 손*희 완료 2024-09-12 51
139891 How do you usually spend your Chuseok holiday? 윤*원 완료 2024-09-12 0
139890 home work 신*린 완료 2024-09-12 37
139889 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-09-12 50
139888 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-09-12 39
139887 What do you think is the most mysterious planet? 박*은 완료 2024-09-12 43
139886 What do you think of the proverb, \"beauty is in the eye of the... 이*희 완료 2024-09-12 2
139885 An adjective to describe me is .. 이*임 완료 2024-09-12 2
139884 Q) What did you like about school when you were a child? 최*영 완료 2024-09-12 0
139883 Second homework in this week 최*연 완료 2024-09-12 52
139882 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-09-12 47
139881 9/12(Thu) homework 김*희 완료 2024-09-12 49

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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