¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½É*Áø
2024-08-20 652

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Are you an ambitious person? What career goals do you have?

I used to have ambitions. I wanted to be a person who is good at studying and has a healthy body. So I studied hard and exercised hard. As a result, I got good grades and my body was very thin. But after working, I met a world different from that i immagine. and so there were many setbacks and difficulties. Society was sharper than I thought. I'm going to start my social life again now, but I'm afraid. Now I want to live safely
like other . this is my career goal to meet my fit job and endure it and do it well like others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's one more corrected composition, Mi Jin. Please take a look at the revisions below. 
Good evening to you there and speak to you again tomorrow!   

Cheers,
Jean~~



                          Are you an ambitious person? What career goals do you have?


I used to have ambitions. 
>> OR: I used to be ambitious. 

I wanted to be a person who is good at studying and has a healthy body. 
>> OR: I hoped to be well-educated and healthy. 

So I studied hard and exercised hard. 
>> OR: That's why I was a studious student and did exercises.  

As a result, I got good grades and my body was very thin. 
>> CORRECT~~

But after working, I met a world different from that i immagine. and so there were many setbacks and difficulties.
>> But after working, I met a world different from what I imagined and so I encountered many setbacks and difficulties.

Society was sharper than I thought. I'm going to start my social life again now, but I'm afraid. 
>> CORRECT~~

Now I want to live safely
like other . 
>> I now want to just live safely like others. 

this is my career goal to meet my fit job and endure it and do it well like others.
>> My career goal is to find a job that fits me, endure the difficulties, and do it well like others. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
140543 How can we show everyone is equal? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 507
140542 21oct2024- homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 515
140541 What were some of the rules you had to follow at your high... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 5
140540 I don\'t want to see things on social media that you don\'t like. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 545
140539 I don\'t make much effort. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 487
140538 What strategies do you use to build your self-confidence? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 464
140537 How would the world change if you could instantly understand any... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 496
140536 What would change if money didn¡¯t exist but people still had to... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 495
140535 Can you think of a time when doing nothing was the best action? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 519
140534 Should kids have more of a say in decisions made by their... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 534
140533 What do you do to maintain or improve your mental health? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 534
140532 Homework ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 526
140531 Why do you think many people smoke? Àå*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 512
140530 Too many students earning degrees have diluted the value of a... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 511
140529 What do you enjoy most about autumn? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 518
140528 How do you see yourself growing or advancing in your ideal... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 511
140527 Have you ever had to step in and help during a difficult time... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 523
140526 Why do you think apologizing is important in relationships? ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 552
140525 18oct2024-Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 510
140524 Can people change their personality if they want to? Do you know... ÀÎ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-10-21 571

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04