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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

작성자: 이*윤
2024-08-05 396

회원님의 영작문



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135897 Vocabulary 임*진 완료 2024-03-27 433
135896 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... 권*임 완료 2024-03-27 0
135895 WRITING TASK: How do you easily relieve stress? 임*지 완료 2024-03-27 2
135894 Who is a poor person who became rich and famous in your country... 송*진 완료 2024-03-27 1
135893 What drink do you often have but best avoided? 권*임 완료 2024-03-27 1
135892 When a child claims about behavioral disease, should he/she be... 권*지 완료 2024-03-27 3
135891 Is it better to be “rich and famous” or to be “rich and... 송*진 완료 2024-03-27 1
135890 what are public toilets like in your country ? 박*호 완료 2024-03-27 564
135889 How do you usually plan your trips? Are you more of a... 박*은 완료 2024-03-27 317
135888 What activities do you and your mom enjoy doing together? 오*솜 완료 2024-03-27 2
135887 Advising in English 양*연 완료 2024-03-27 517
135886 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-03-27 404
135885 What’s in your hand? 최*성 완료 2024-03-27 183
135884 What’s the best piece of advice you can give someone who is... 오*소 완료 2024-03-27 0
135883 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-03-27 2
135882 House 김*진 완료 2024-03-27 2
135881 Homework 정*섭 완료 2024-03-27 300
135880 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-03-26 426
135879 homework 유*린 완료 2024-03-26 480
135878 Homework 맹*영 완료 2024-03-26 422

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