¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Aside from financial reasons, why do we need to have a job?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2024-08-05 392

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



HAHAHA.... My answer is too long.....
Check the attached file, please.
Have nice a day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Yun!
Do not be concerned if you make a long composition, that is preferable so you can optimize your writing practice.^__^ Keep doing a good homework~
Chammy
There are many reasons. But I think big three reasons.
OR
>> There are numerous reasons but I think of 3 major reasons.
First, because of the social atmosphere.
In Korea, people have a clear set of things to do for each age, and if they are not doing what they have to do, they are viewed as strangers or as losers.
OR
>>People in Korea have specific tasks for every age bracket, and if they do not complete them, they are considered strangers or losers.
Moreover, most Koreans think that after graduating from university, men or women should have a job and they think that's natural. 
That's why more people have jobs because they don't want to be useless people and avoid negative perceptions.
Second, for personal challenges and objectives.
>>Correct
The meaning of having job means sociala life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives may araise.
>>The meaning of having a job means social life, and as people have jobs, they can try personal challenges and other objectives that may arise.
OR
>>The term "job" refers to a social life, and because people have work, they can try personal difficulties and pursue other goals.
 So, a job can be used as a method to perform everything.
>>Correct
In addition, according to the psycologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
>> In addition, according to the psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, since the need for self-actualization is the highest desire, human instinctively strives for self-realization and self-satisfaction, so people naturally have jobs.
Third, to live as an independent being.
>>Correct
Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent on day.
>>Humans can't rely on their parents until they die, so they have to be independent one day.
In addition to economic independence, mental independence must be achieved, but in order to be independent of their parents and live as an independent entity in society, people have to have jobs.
>>Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135915 How often do you get sick in a year? ÃÖ*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 242
135914 Why is it important to treat others with respect? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135913 What is the importance of family gatherings? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0
135912 What places do you know that are overcrowded? How often do you... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 170
135911 Travel back in time ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 196
135910 Take Three Things To Desert Island ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 273
135909 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 209
135908 What are the pros and cons of international marriage? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 144
135907 Which greeting kinds of annoys you? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 246
135906 Making time for my loved ones ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 218
135905 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 5
135904 What was the most memorable advice you have received from a... ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 118
135903 HW ³ª*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 245
135902 HOMEWORK: Describe your dream place to live. ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 237
135901 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 408
135900 HOMEWORK: How difficult do you think it is to live as a... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 437
135899 HOMEWORK: What do you think about putting in effort but no... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 292
135898 blame ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 368
135897 Vocabulary ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 427
135896 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04