¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 04.18

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2024-04-18 289

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Do you think online shopping is more convenient than traditional shopping?

When I was young the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded people.
But, these days, many people use online malls.
There are many reason why online malls is popular.
Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can shopping anywhere wherever I am.
Next reason is the online malls are cheaper than offline malls.
In addition, these days deliveries are too fast.
That's why many people more prefer online shopping.
In one side, I feel It leaves a lot to be desired.
These days, people don't go outside often.
Because they feel tired of meeting people.
And trying to solve everything use to online.
So I think many people's emotions got cold.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Do you think online shopping is more convenient than traditional shopping?


When I was young, the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded people.
>> When I was young, the shopping malls and traditional markets in my neighborhood are crowded with people.
But, these days, many people use online malls.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> But, these days, many people use online stores.
There are many reason why online malls is popular.
>> There are many reasons why online malls are popular.
Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can shopping anywhere wherever I am.
>> Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can do online shopping anywhere wherever I am.
OR >> Typically, if I have a smartphone or computer, I can do online shopping anytime, anywhere.
Next reason is the online malls are cheaper than offline malls.
>> CORRECT!
In addition, these days deliveries are too fast.
>> CORRECT!
That's why many people more prefer online shopping.
>> CORRECT!
In one side, I feel It leaves a lot to be desired.
>> CORRECT!
These days, people don't go outside often.
>> CORRECT!
Because they feel tired of meeting people.
>> It's because they feel tired of meeting people.
And trying to solve everything use to online.
>> And, people try to solve everything online.
So I think many people's emotions got cold.
>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138640 What improvements do you think should still be made in parks in... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 0
138639 homework ½É*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 3
138638 What is the scariest movie you\'ve ever watched. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 322
138637 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 1
138636 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 560
138635 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 0
138634 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 541
138633 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 512
138632 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 462
138631 Are you an organized person? Explain your answer. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-21 416
138630 Tell me about the movie you have seen recently.- simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 476
138629 What does ¡°No man is an island¡± imply? - simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 373
138628 When you visit new places, what do you like to do? - simi ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 489
138627 No ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 491
138626 2024.07.19 ³²*·Ê ¿Ï·á 2024-07-20 337
138625 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 406
138624 What was your first day at work like? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 482
138623 White lies ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 369
138622 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 3
138621 How do you try to find time for yourself and your loved ones... ±è*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-19 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04