¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

keeping pets for children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*ÈÆ
2024-04-11 884

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think keeping pets for children is good for children. First, they could learn about importance of the life by raising pets. The pets will become children's friend, and they will be always their side. Also they will made children's mental healthy. second, pets can build children's resistance of allergies. I read a reports about allergies. It said children who didn't have a pet got allergies easliy than children who raised one.
In conclusion, the pets could help children's mental, also physical health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Se Hun~!^^ Thank you for doing your homework. It was nice to read your essay~! Keep writing and learning! Have a great day!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think keeping pets for children is good for children.
OR>>> I think keeping pets for children is good for them.
First, they could learn about importance of the life by raising pets. 
>>> First, they could learn about [ the ] importance of life by raising pets. 
The pets will become children's friend, and they will be always their side. 
>>> The pets will become [ the ] children's friend, and they will be always [ by ] their side. 
Also they will made children's mental healthy.
>>> [Moreover], they can help with children's mental health.
Second, pets can build children's resistance of allergies. 
>>> Second, pets can build children's allergy resistant.
 I read a reports about allergies.
>>> CORRECT~! ^^
 It said children who didn't have a pet got allergies easliy than children who raised one.
>>> It is said that children who don't have pets get allergies easily than children who raised one.
In conclusion, the pets could help children's mental, also physical health.
>>> In conclusion, pets may benefit kids' physical as well as mental health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135898 blame ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 971
135897 Vocabulary ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 931
135896 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0
135895 WRITING TASK: How do you easily relieve stress? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135894 Who is a poor person who became rich and famous in your country... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135893 What drink do you often have but best avoided? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135892 When a child claims about behavioral disease, should he/she be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 3
135891 Is it better to be ¡°rich and famous¡± or to be ¡°rich and... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135890 what are public toilets like in your country ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1204
135889 How do you usually plan your trips? Are you more of a... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 866
135888 What activities do you and your mom enjoy doing together? ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135887 Advising in English ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 858
135886 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 820
135885 What¡¯s in your hand? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 408
135884 What¡¯s the best piece of advice you can give someone who is... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0
135883 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135882 House ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135881 Homework Á¤*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 544
135880 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1063
135879 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 918

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04