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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 840

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
131962 Homework 김*숙 완료 2023-10-26 721
131961 Homework 이*화 완료 2023-10-26 718
131960 What do you do with your friends? Why do you like spending time... 오*혁 완료 2023-10-26 2
131959 If you had lots of power, what would you do with it? 에*미 완료 2023-10-26 2
131958 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about “Are you willing... 앨* 완료 2023-10-26 0
131957 What kinds of social problems does alcohol cause in your country? 신*섭 완료 2023-10-26 491
131956 What do you think the punishment for drunk driving should be? 신*섭 완료 2023-10-26 693
131955 Do you like looking at the star? Why? 최*한 완료 2023-10-26 818
131954 WRITING TASK: What are some drinks you know how to make? What... 임*지 완료 2023-10-26 2
131953 Homework 류*우 완료 2023-10-26 870
131952 What role does empathy and understanding play when engaging in... 권*윤 완료 2023-10-26 1
131951 you received a wrong order in a restaurant, would you say... 이*정 완료 2023-10-26 490
131950 Homework 신*화 완료 2023-10-26 475
131949 What can you say about the English education system in your... 이*정 완료 2023-10-26 930
131948 About my dream house. 권*지 완료 2023-10-26 790
131947 homework_231025 한*록 완료 2023-10-26 395
131946 homework 정*안 완료 2023-10-26 1
131945 Would you be interested in doing backpacking? 신*정 완료 2023-10-26 796
131944 Terrible experience 양*연 완료 2023-10-26 1062
131943 homework 김*린 완료 2023-10-26 1

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