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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 2750

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137275 HW 김*현 완료 2024-05-20 1
137274 Tell me your opinion about the latest news you\'ve heard in your... 권*지 완료 2024-05-20 2
137273 Tell me a little about Seoul When is the best time to visit? 권*지 완료 2024-05-20 2
137272 Page.20 김*진 완료 2024-05-20 2
137271 How do global cuisines influence breakfast choices? 박*호 완료 2024-05-20 2031
137270 Why is it illegal to download movies and music from the Internet? 김*욱 완료 2024-05-20 1603
137269 What are the top three things you plan to do first when you... 박*연 완료 2024-05-20 1750
137268 Are there any activities that you used to do but don’t do... 김*환 완료 2024-05-19 2080
137267 Why do you think many Koreans hate your country\'s president? 차*혁 완료 2024-05-19 1607
137266 Make sentences using the words below: 차*진 완료 2024-05-19 1728
137265 Can you tell me about a time you overcame a challenge? 황*은 완료 2024-05-19 1666
137264 Homework 이*범 완료 2024-05-19 1373
137263 What is your favorite animal and why? 윤*원 완료 2024-05-19 0
137262 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-19 1
137261 popular 민*정 완료 2024-05-19 1
137260 What is the most difficult thing about learning English? Discuss... 이*은 완료 2024-05-18 1396
137259 Homework for May 17 최*진 완료 2024-05-18 3
137258 What do you like most and least about museums? 오*솜 완료 2024-05-18 0
137257 Do you think it is possible to love everyone? 김*순 완료 2024-05-18 1411
137256 What\'s the best way to pass a job interview? 이*은 완료 2024-05-17 2040

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