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서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1365

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135863 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What is your... 앨* 완료 2024-03-26 1
135862 What rice dishes do you like? Why? 박*은 완료 2024-03-26 886
135861 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-03-26 785
135860 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-03-26 853
135859 Talk about why the free school lunch program in South Korea is... 황*은 완료 2024-03-26 993
135858 what did you do last weekend? 박*진 완료 2024-03-26 693
135857 What desserts from other countries would you like to try? 박*현 완료 2024-03-26 1046
135856 What are the pros and cons of lending money to someone? 신*섭 완료 2024-03-26 1112
135855 What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for your friends? 김*아 완료 2024-03-26 1216
135854 HW 나*진 완료 2024-03-26 1322
135853 cxzcxzcz Te*002 완료 2024-03-26 37
135852 test 3 Te*002 완료 2024-03-26 95
135851 homework 이*수 완료 2024-03-26 2157
135850 HOMEWORK: Which one is better, too confident or nervous but... 이*은 완료 2024-03-26 1090
135849 Homework 장*희 완료 2024-03-26 0
135848 Clerks 임*진 완료 2024-03-26 1077
135847 body 권*희 완료 2024-03-26 942
135846 HOMEWORK 하*지 완료 2024-03-26 786
135845 What is the hardest part of giving speeches or presentations? 김*지 완료 2024-03-26 0
135844 What kind of preparations do you make whenever you have a... 김*지 완료 2024-03-26 1

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