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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1351

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
135895 WRITING TASK: How do you easily relieve stress? 임*지 완료 2024-03-27 2
135894 Who is a poor person who became rich and famous in your country... 송*진 완료 2024-03-27 1
135893 What drink do you often have but best avoided? 권*임 완료 2024-03-27 1
135892 When a child claims about behavioral disease, should he/she be... 권*지 완료 2024-03-27 3
135891 Is it better to be “rich and famous” or to be “rich and... 송*진 완료 2024-03-27 1
135890 what are public toilets like in your country ? 박*호 완료 2024-03-27 1569
135889 How do you usually plan your trips? Are you more of a... 박*은 완료 2024-03-27 1117
135888 What activities do you and your mom enjoy doing together? 오*솜 완료 2024-03-27 2
135887 Advising in English 양*연 완료 2024-03-27 1233
135886 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-03-27 1049
135885 What’s in your hand? 최*성 완료 2024-03-27 655
135884 What’s the best piece of advice you can give someone who is... 오*소 완료 2024-03-27 0
135883 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-03-27 2
135882 House 김*진 완료 2024-03-27 2
135881 Homework 정*섭 완료 2024-03-27 732
135880 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-03-26 1370
135879 homework 유*린 완료 2024-03-26 1189
135878 Homework 맹*영 완료 2024-03-26 1168
135877 homework 박*연 완료 2024-03-26 1095
135876 What do you usually do with your friends? 차*혁 완료 2024-03-26 943

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