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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1398

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136236 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-04-09 1036
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136234 About long average working hour 정*훈 완료 2024-04-09 1283
136233 HOMEWORK: Why do people need to learn English as a second... 이*은 완료 2024-04-09 675
136232 homework 박*연 완료 2024-04-09 1326
136231 HOMEWORK: Describe your favorite person. 이*은 완료 2024-04-09 1086
136230 Do you think having siblings or being an only child is better?... 김*순 완료 2024-04-09 1064
136229 HOMEWORK: What is the best thing to do in Spring Season? 이*은 완료 2024-04-08 893
136228 homework 유*린 완료 2024-04-08 838
136227 Describe the beautiful flowers you see in spring. 임*호 완료 2024-04-08 1
136226 Reflect on a challenge you faced and how you overcame it. 황*은 완료 2024-04-08 757
136225 Homework 이*준 완료 2024-04-08 1029
136224 What is your favorite cafe? Why? 김*지 완료 2024-04-08 0
136223 Where do you want to be seated in a restaurant, a smoking or a... 맹*영 완료 2024-04-08 846
136222 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-04-08 671
136221 Saving something for you 이*규 완료 2024-04-08 920
136220 When is it okay to quit and when is it not okay to quit? 김*지 완료 2024-04-08 0
136219 Why is it important to rest and relax during a long weekend? 황*은 완료 2024-04-08 1804
136218 What are the things that you don\'t like about your city and... 신*규 완료 2024-04-08 1430
136217 What novel story interests you the most? 송*우 완료 2024-04-08 723

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