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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1407

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
136261 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-04-09 0
136260 Homework 권*미 완료 2024-04-09 0
136259 Why do you like india? Explain your answer. 차*혁 완료 2024-04-09 811
136258 Make a sentence using the words below 차*진 완료 2024-04-09 1313
136257 Homework 김*아 완료 2024-04-09 718
136256 What is your favorite Korean dish? Can you describe how it\'s... 박*은 완료 2024-04-09 957
136255 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-04-09 650
136254 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-04-09 1
136253 homework 김*별 완료 2024-04-09 4
136252 I was upset 민*정 완료 2024-04-09 1
136251 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-04-09 1
136250 Homework 권*윤 완료 2024-04-09 1
136249 Homework 류*우 완료 2024-04-09 815
136248 Homework 윤*선 완료 2024-04-09 1042
136247 Why does a company need to do an interview before hiring? 이*윤 완료 2024-04-09 835
136246 HW 나*진 완료 2024-04-09 973
136245 homework 박*혜 완료 2024-04-09 1075
136244 Most vices are bad but not illegal. What activities should be... 오*현 완료 2024-04-09 940
136243 homework 이*수 완료 2024-04-09 1264
136242 What do you dislike more, a loud neighbor or a nosy neighbor? 천*은 완료 2024-04-09 940

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03
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