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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1386

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
137074 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-05-09 1079
137073 The successive birthday parties to my family 김*민 완료 2024-05-09 1005
137072 What are your biggest problems with listening? 박*은 완료 2024-05-09 1224
137071 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-05-09 2
137070 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-09 2
137069 Is it easy to set appointments with doctors in your country? 진*호 완료 2024-05-09 1
137068 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-05-09 710
137067 homework 05.09 최*� 완료 2024-05-09 823
137066 What kind of bedroom would you want to have at your age?... 차*혁 완료 2024-05-09 1173
137065 What do you think is the most beautiful color of eyes? Why?... 차*진 완료 2024-05-09 1267
137064 Conscious 이*규 완료 2024-05-09 808
137063 Do you like eating cookies? Why? 최*한 완료 2024-05-09 1228
137062 HOMEWORK 홍*선 완료 2024-05-09 1291
137061 hw 박*진 완료 2024-05-09 1233
137060 Describe how middle schools have their school graduation. 오*혁 완료 2024-05-09 0
137059 Homework 김*숙 완료 2024-05-09 1013
137058 Today\'s homework 이*도 완료 2024-05-09 581
137057 My favorite food 김*민 완료 2024-05-09 893
137056 present 김*민 완료 2024-05-09 919
137055 HW 김*현 완료 2024-05-09 0

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03
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