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My advice about life to elementary students

작성자: 김*민
2024-03-28 1395

회원님의 영작문

First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.
This advice results from my experience. I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.
But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!
Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great work, Min! You have written a very meaningful answer in your homework. I believe that these realizations and advice will really help a young person.
-Khai
First, I want to tell to kids that "Life is not in the order of grades", so you don't have to only focus on studying.
>> First, I want to tell my kids that, "life is not in the order of grades," so you don't have to only focus on studying.

But I have to emphasize importance of studying how to socialize with friends. 

>> But I have to emphasize the importance of studying how to socialize with friends.

For example, people have to realize that their actions aren't always right, and when people do something wrong, they should apologize.

>> CORRECT

Second, I want to give an advice that your dream may not be come true, and your life may doesn't go your own way.

>> Second, I want to give the advice that your dream may not come true, and your life may not go your way.

This advice results from my experience. 

>> CORRECT

OR

>> This advice was based on my experience.

I wanted to be a writer, a publisher, or a teacher who teaches Korean to foreign students.

>> CORRECT

But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare despite I didn't work as a social worker!

>> But now, I'm a government official in the field of social welfare, despite the fact that I didn't work as a social worker!

Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well, study hard to achieve your dreams. 

>> Nevertheless, I would like to add that you have to explore what you like and can do well and study hard to achieve your dreams.

And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who do your best in the given tasks.

>> And even if your dreams do not come true, you should be an adult who does your best at any given task.

And last, I emphasize that I hope you would be safe and healthy in your whole life!

>> And last, I emphasize that I hope you will be safe and healthy your whole life!


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137114 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-05-12 4
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137112 HOMEWORK 박*은 완료 2024-05-12 0
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137110 How to explain tardiness at work. 김*환 완료 2024-05-12 1096
137109 What is your perception of time now? Does it go by slowly or... 김*환 완료 2024-05-12 1206
137108 howework 한*연 완료 2024-05-12 1
137107 Diary 김*연 완료 2024-05-12 0
137106 What do you think of children doing household chores? Should... 차*혁 완료 2024-05-12 923
137105 What do you think is the most popular toy for children nowadays? 차*진 완료 2024-05-12 1162
137104 Homework 김*서 완료 2024-05-11 1
137103 My favorite fairy tale 김*민 완료 2024-05-11 1053
137102 Electronic 김*민 완료 2024-05-11 911
137101 homework 05.10 최*� 완료 2024-05-10 1095
137100 What can you say about the statement \"It\'s better to give than... 이*윤 완료 2024-05-10 763
137099 My expectations from this class 우*민 완료 2024-05-10 2
137098 Homework 장*혁 완료 2024-05-10 824
137097 Optimism and pessimism 이*규 완료 2024-05-10 905

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