¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age of children\'s travel

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-23 808

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
You can enjoy various things.
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Julia, thank you for working on your homework. 
Here are some revisions for you to review. 
The sentences have been simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
>>> I think the teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
>>> Because it is beneficial to experience and creates lasting memories
You can enjoy various things.
>>> CORRECT!
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.
>>> Since teenagers are diverse, people of all ages can appreciate it, making it a good time to travel, even if you're not a teenager yourself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132663 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 0
132662 What do you spend your day thinking about most? Why? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 1203
132661 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 0
132660 homework 11.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 694
132659 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 2
132658 Me and my friends ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 293
132657 The busiest event in korea ÀÌ*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 576
132656 My favorite food ÀÌ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 0
132655 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 586
132654 Why do people say ¡®patience is a virtue¡¯? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 2
132653 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Do you consider... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 1
132652 Things that make me angry ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 2
132651 Why do you think some students don\'t do their homework? Express... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 488
132650 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 808
132649 English interview ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 4
132648 diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 1
132647 When discussing a product with your supplier, do you prefer to... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 1
132646 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 0
132645 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 920
132644 In this generation, would you let your family live in the... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-22 906

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04