¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age of children\'s travel

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*Çý
2024-01-23 1350

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
You can enjoy various things.
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hello Julia, thank you for working on your homework. 
Here are some revisions for you to review. 
The sentences have been simplified for better understanding, rewritten for clarity and simplicity, and adjusted for improved flow.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara

I think teenage age is the most appropriate.
>>> I think the teenage age is the most appropriate.
Because it is good to experience and it is memorable.
>>> Because it is beneficial to experience and creates lasting memories
You can enjoy various things.
>>> CORRECT!
Since teenagers are diverse, children can appreciate it and even if they are not teenagers, they can be a good age to travel.
>>> Since teenagers are diverse, people of all ages can appreciate it, making it a good time to travel, even if you're not a teenager yourself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134101 Homework : unit 2 ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1
134100 What do you fear? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 0
134099 sns ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 596
134098 If you could rename yourself, what name would you pick? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 1
134097 How to get my money\'s worth in buffet ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 827
134096 How do you describe a good friend? What are the characteristics... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-23 785
134095 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 933
134094 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 658
134093 homework 01.22 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 911
134092 Should parents help their children plan their future? À±*ºó ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1118
134091 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1465
134090 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 705
134089 If you know how to cook what dish will you always cook for... ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1022
134088 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 989
134087 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 0
134086 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What is your... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1
134085 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1
134084 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 0
134083 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 809
134082 Do you agree or disagree with the following statemet? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-22 1436

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04