¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.13

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-13 996

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
>> CORRECT!
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
>> Now we have personal computers and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
>> Using this, we are able to work, talk with the internet community, do our hobbies, go shopping, and search information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
>> CORRECT!
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
>> I think the worst thing about computers is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
>> Internet addiction result to problems with our mental health and physical health.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
>> And if they don't use the internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
>> People who are severely addicted to it can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.
>> So I think internet addiction is the worst thing.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134526 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 903
134525 a bad day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 0
134524 Do you think festivals are important for counties? ÃÖ*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 757
134523 Homework Ȳ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 687
134522 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 1
134521 What do you think is the worst kind of crime? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 421
134520 my weekends ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 669
134519 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 832
134518 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 862
134517 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 573
134516 Would you like to travel to other countries alone somday? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 794
134515 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 452
134514 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 4
134513 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 202
134512 Different thought °í*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 1041
134511 WRITING TASK: What was the most memorable concert you have been... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 9
134510 At what age does a child become an adult ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 1115
134509 Describe your favorite place in detail. ÃÖ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 799
134508 If you could change one thing about your current house ot make... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 653
134507 qweqweq Te*002 ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04