¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.13

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-13 997

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
>> CORRECT!
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
>> Now we have personal computers and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
>> Using this, we are able to work, talk with the internet community, do our hobbies, go shopping, and search information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
>> CORRECT!
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
>> I think the worst thing about computers is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
>> Internet addiction result to problems with our mental health and physical health.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
>> And if they don't use the internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
>> People who are severely addicted to it can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.
>> So I think internet addiction is the worst thing.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
134548 Scientists make more contribution to the world. ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1000
134547 Are there countries that you will never visit? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 667
134546 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 68
134545 homework5 ÇÑ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 4
134544 What are some reasons why some people are afraid of public... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 820
134543 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 878
134542 what are the pros and cons of uniforms for school kids ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 549
134541 homework 2024-02-07 ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 2
134540 Driving ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 682
134539 Jibber-jabber ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 1
134538 The image of tourism ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 520
134537 How has tourism in your country changed or improved compared to... õ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-07 843
134536 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 2
134535 What traditional practices in your family do you want to cut off? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 665
134534 7 DAY HOMEWORK ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 644
134533 Does your language have words adopted from English? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 694
134532 For you, what is the best city in the world? Give at lesst 2... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 0
134531 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 839
134530 Which part of the school day is your favorite? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 1007
134529 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-06 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04