¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Are you impressed by the current advancements in the medical field? Or do you think they could do be

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¾Æ
2023-03-20 177

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I was impressed with cancer treatment's current advancements in the medical field. In fact, billions of people have suffered cancer in recent years. Even though there are a lot of people who have a hard time because of cancer, we could see that patients are decreasing compared to the last few years. Here is the evidence. According to the Cancer Center, "more than 80% of people diagnosed with cancer types which are easier to diagnose and/or treat survive"(Cancer Center, 2022). People are usually afraid to get cancer because they believe cancer is the cruelest and most fatal disease in the world. But that rate makes people feel much more comfortable with cancer, in addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. But whether cancer treatment develops, it should be developed more than now. Because there is still some cancer that is hard to fully recover from. Especially, only 12.8% of people can recover from brain cancer. Better quality of medical treatment can make better society

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great choice of topic, Su A!  I also wanted to hear from you about cancer since it is quite controversial. Some people have even theorized that perhaps the medical field is purposefully hiding treatments for cancer to prevent hospitals from losing profit.  I haven't heard about the report from Cancer Center, so it was a nice piece of information to add there. Your readers would have gained new knowledge from reading your essay.  You also ended it on a realistic note, that while cancer has taken a lot of steps forward for the better, it doesn't promise us complete recovery just yet. Thank you! 
~T.Harmony <3

I was impressed with cancer treatment's current advancements in the medical field.
>> CORRECT!
In fact, billions of people have suffered cancer in recent years. 
>> ...billions of people have suffered from cancer...
Even though there are a lot of people who have a hard time because of cancer, we could see that patients are decreasing compared to the last few years. 
>> CORRECT!
Here is the evidence. 
>> CORRECT!
According to the Cancer Center, "more than 80% of people diagnosed with cancer types which are easier to diagnose and/or treat survive"(Cancer Center, 2022). 
>> CORRECT!
People are usually afraid to get cancer because they believe cancer is the cruelest and most fatal disease in the world. 
>> CORRECT!
OR>> People often fear being diagnosed of cancer because they think of it as incurable and highly fatal.
But that rate makes people feel much more comfortable with cancer, in addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. 
>> However, the percentage reported by Cancer Center in 2022 makes people feel much more at ease with cancer. In addition, it shows cancer treatment has developed a lot. 
But whether cancer treatment develops, it should be developed more than now. 
>> CORRECT!
Because there is still some cancer that is hard to fully recover from. 
>> ...still some types of cancer...
Especially, only 12.8% of people can recover from brain cancer. 
>> In particular, ...
Better quality of medical treatment can make better society
>> ...can make a better society.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126080 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 112
126079 Would you prefer to live in a house or an apartment? Why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 136
126078 Do adult children need to have a financial obligation to their... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 2
126077 Is Korea a good place to live and retire in? ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126076 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: DIRECTION: ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126075 Do you worry about cybercrime? Why or why not? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 147
126074 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 174
126073 Homework ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126072 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 122
126071 homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 108
126070 Lesson 13: Homework ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 195
126069 In your opinion, what types of food should people consume to... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 133
126068 Do you like to go back to your team and make amends? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126067 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126066 What is the worst season in your country? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 121
126065 What are your chances of getting a call from LEGO? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126064 What is the first step of moving on? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126063 How different are hobbies now from hobbies in the past? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 140
126062 Throw ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 1
126061 Are you optimistic or pessimistic about artificial intelligence... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-02-28 249

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04