¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-26 1322

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite possession is Pooh doll. It has been with me since I was 6 years old. Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents. It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room. up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


My favorite possession is Pooh doll.
>> Correct. OR My favorite possession is my Pooh doll.
It has been with me since I was 6 years old.
>> Correct.
Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
>> Over 20 years have passed, and now there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents.
>> I got this doll as a present from my parents on my 6th birthday.
It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room.
>> It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, my days in the army, he solely protected my room.
up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.
>> Up until now, it's still with me and will always be with me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120697 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 799
120696 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 252
120695 Graduation experience ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1
120694 homwork Á¶*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 0
120693 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 788
120692 Why is gambling addictive? ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 228
120691 Plastic bags take up less space in a landfill than paper bags? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 763
120690 HOMEWORK: Tell me something about your favorite song. ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 11
120689 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120688 What do you think is the best thing about your generation? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 297
120687 What will you do this weekend? Do you have any specific plans? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 263
120686 [Homework] What culture did you know about Austria after staying... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1
120685 What is one of the best choices you made lately? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 4
120684 What is your opinion about people with tattoos? Explain your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 225
120683 7/12 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 543
120682 What¡¯s the best thing to do to minimize heatstroke in hot... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 482
120681 Homework ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 204
120680 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 1
120679 Homework for 12.07.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 1
120678 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-12 212

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04