¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-26 1321

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite possession is Pooh doll. It has been with me since I was 6 years old. Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents. It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room. up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


My favorite possession is Pooh doll.
>> Correct. OR My favorite possession is my Pooh doll.
It has been with me since I was 6 years old.
>> Correct.
Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
>> Over 20 years have passed, and now there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents.
>> I got this doll as a present from my parents on my 6th birthday.
It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room.
>> It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, my days in the army, he solely protected my room.
up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.
>> Up until now, it's still with me and will always be with me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120729 . ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 413
120728 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1
120727 Do you usually watch movies at the theater or watch them at home? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 219
120726 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 326
120725 What is the most difficult thing about learning English? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 466
120724 What is your message for your children? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120723 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 517
120722 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 200
120721 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 398
120720 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120719 Homework for 13.07.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120718 Imagine you could time travel. Would you go to the past or the... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 466
120717 What I think about tattoos ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 688
120716 The human being is said to be a \"social animal\". One of the... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 310
120715 About the Thechnology. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 366
120714 What¡¯s the best way for a country to bring in more tourists? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120713 Is it better for kids to have siblings? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 569
120712 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 3
120711 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 0
120710 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04