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이유민/2025-05-28

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
When I was 10 years old, I just mixed rice with some other ingredient. It was my first dish without using fire. Getting older, I could use fire and I cooked rice with kimchi by frying. After I bought an oven, I made a cookie by cookie mix. I just put all of them in the bowl and mixed it. In Korea, there is a tradition for sharing stick cookie with chocolate in 11,November. People usually bought complete product but I made stick cookie personally from the first.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hi, Megan^^
Thank you for sharing.
You must really like baking. ^^
_T. SHAY^^
***
When I was 10 years old, I just mixed rice with some other ingredient. 
>>When I was 10 years old, I just mixed rice with some other ingredients.
It was my first dish without using fire.
>>Correct
OR: It was the first dish I prepared without really cooking.
Getting older, I could use fire and I cooked rice with kimchi by frying. 
>>When I got older, I learned to use fire so I cooked rice with kimchi by frying.
OR: As I got older, I learned to use fire so I cooked kimchi fried rice.
After I bought an oven, I made a cookie by cookie mix. 
>>After I bought an oven, I made a cookie using a cookie mix. 
I just put all of them in the bowl and mixed it. 
>>Correct
OR: I just put all the ingredients in the bowl and mixed it.
In Korea, there is a tradition for sharing stick cookie with chocolate in 11,November. 
>>In Korea, there is a tradition of sharing chocolate-covered stick cookie on November 11. 
People usually bought complete product but I made stick cookie personally from the first.
>>People usually buy the finished product but I make my own stick cookie.

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