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Is music important? Why or why not?

이지윤/2025-03-28

회원님의 올려주신 영작문

I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds. When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind. So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen. Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi,

Thank you for submitting your answer to me.

I really like your answer, as it's so detailed.

I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable.

~ Teacher Gina

I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.

>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.

>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music.

>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.

>> CORRECT.

>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.

>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.

>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.