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There are no young people in rural areas.

이아형/2024-11-20

회원님의 올려주신 영작문

Population have been reduced in my country. Married people don't want to have a chilldren. For example in Korea second big city Busan, these dayes calle 'The old man and the Sea' like classic novels. So Aging is social problem because It reduce worked people. I have seen there are no worked people in city outside. Then, import count increases and export count decreases. It is country economically serious probelm. Young people share social welfare spending but it is more and more heavy. Already, Youn people paid more money when take a subway. It needs socail discussion for future life.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day to you Ms. Ella!

I’m truly impressed by your unwavering passion and dedication to completing your written assignments. Your commitment is inspiring! Keep honing your vocabulary skills—you’re doing great, and I’m excited to see how you continue to develop.

Best regards,

>>> TEACHER GEMMA

Population have been reduced in my country.

>>> The population in my country has decreased.

Married people don't want to have a children.

>>> Married couples no longer want to have children.

For example in Korea second big city Busan, these dayes calle 'The old man and the Sea' like classic novels.

>>> For example, in Busan, Korea's second-largest city, it is often referred to as "The Old Man and the Sea," much like the classic novel.

So Aging is social problem because It reduce worked people.

>>> So, aging is a social problem because it reduces the number of people in the workforce.

I have seen there are no worked people in city outside.

>>> I have noticed that there are very few working people in the city during the day.

Then, import count increases and export count decreases.

>>> As a result, imports increase while exports decrease.

It is country economically serious probelm.

>>> It is an economically serious problem for the country.

Young people share social welfare spending but it is more and more heavy.

>>> Young people are bearing the burden of social welfare spending, but it is becoming increasingly heavy.

Already, Youn people paid more money when take a subway. It needs socail discussion for future life.

>>> Already, young people are paying more when using the subway. This issue requires social discussion to ensure a sustainable future.