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김순님/2024-10-03

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
I think spending time with my friends is the way to relax and it can help me to be patience about my problem. Of course I might not follow their opinion. But it also gives me help. It seems to talk to others help me healty. So when I make a plan with someone I don't considerate of my academyclass.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Ms. Sunny!
We must have someone to talk to and let out our feelings. Appreciate those people.
Have a good day!
Aki~

I think spending time with my friends is the way to relax and it can help me to be patience about my problem.
>>> I think spending time with my friends is a way to relax and it can help me to be patient about my problem.

Of course, I might not follow their opinion.
>>> of course, I don't follow their advice.

But it also gives me help.
>>> CORRECT!

It seems to talk to others help me healthy.
>>> It seems that talking to others helps me to become healthy.

So when I make a plan with someone I don't considerate of my academyclass.
>>> So when I make a plan with someone I don't consider my academy class.
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