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The reason why music is a cultural activity

김창민/2024-07-29

회원님의 올려주신 영작문

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP. Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them. First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans. Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there. (Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!) Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown. Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there, Min!

Collectively, music gathers people all around the world for one purpose-to enjoy music at its finest. BTS have done this before similarly with the world's renowned artists like Taylor Swift. What would life be without music?

Here on your example, music is not only a culture that people enjoy but also a shared experience right after enjoying music in terms of places, food, and other activities and hobbies derived from famous musicians. This is a perfect example of how music can influence our lives and the next generation.

This culture will change and have its own unique experiences over time and that is why music is our culture and way of life.

Below are some underlined words and their suggested form for you to study. Your mistakes are very few and in time, I am sure you will perfect all these grammar patters. Overall, you wrote a very good composition!

See you in class!

-T. Donna~

Music can gather people who enjoy same genre of music, especially K-POP.

>> Music can gather people who enjoy the same genre, especially K-POP.

Many K-POP fans make their own cultures. I want to introduce some of them.

>> Correct!

First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take a pictures when they meet another K-POP fans.

>> First, they decorate photo cards with lovely stickers and take pictures when they meet other K-POP fans.

Second, they recommend famous restaurant at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists. Because they want their artists visit there.

>> Second, they recommend famous restaurants at Twitter, adding hashtag related to their favorite artists because they want their artists to visit there.

(Sometimes I had help from those hashtag when I visited another city!)

>> Correct!

Also, K-POP fans make a "Pilgrimage", visiting favorite artist's hometown.

>> Correct!

Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fan can make their own culture!

>> Thus, I think that music is a cultural activity because fans can make their own culture!