영작교정 첨삭 서비스

현재위치

Home > 영작교정 첨삭 서비스

Homework

김순님/2024-07-22

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
Thank you for concerning me. I have ever treated me with acupuncture. We have many oriental hospital too. Needle can give impact to my nerves. So It can help me a little to numb my body. I think there is nothing my deases can treat completely. But there are many other things to relive my numb. Massage,taking a bath, exercising include acupuncture. I satisfied with that. Fortunately, I can afford to do that. If I am greedy more I can lost another thing. I think everyone has the same fortune and It might be my destiny.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hello, Ms. Sunny!
Thank you for sharing this. 
There are certain illnesses where specific treatments are done. you mentioned that you have a disease, then take care of your body We only have one life, live it to the full but do not compromise your health :)
T. Aki~

Thank you for concerning me.
>>> Thank you for being concerned about me.

I have ever treated me with acupuncture.
>>> I haven't tried being treated with acupuncture.

We have many oriental hospitals too.
>>> CORRECT!

Needle can give impact to my nerves.
>>> Needles can have an impact on my nerves.

So It can help me a little to numb my body.
>>> CORRECT!
OR>>> So it can bring numbness to my body.

I think there is nothing my deases can treat completely.
>>>  I think there is nothing that can treat my disease completely.


But there are many other things to relive my numb.
>>> But there are many other things to relieve my numbness.

Massage,taking a bath, exercising include acupuncture.
>>>  Like having a message, taking a bath, exercising, and acupuncture can help too.

I satisfied with that.
>> I am satisfied with that.

Fortunately, I can afford to do that.
>>> CORRECT!

If I am greedy more I can lost another thing.
>>>  If I am greedy more I can lose another thing.

I think everyone has the same fortune and It might be my destiny.
>>> CORRECT!

이전글 목록 다음글