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김순님/2024-05-16

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
Korean enjoys doing exercise. We think the standard of beauty is slime. So we do exercise to be more slim at first. Time goes by, doing exercise becomes thier habit. I feel anxious if I didn’t do exercise.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Good day, Ms. Sunny!
Having a disciplined mind leads to a better life.
If we want to be healthy, we have to change our lifestyle. Same with improving oneself.
Don't get tired doing something for yourself :)
Aki~

Korean enjoys doing exercise.
>>> Most Koreans enjoy exercising.

We think the standard of beauty is slime.
>>>  We believe that the standard of beauty is flawed

So we do exercise to be more slim at first. 
>>> CORRECT!

Time goes by, doing exercise becomes thier habit. I feel anxious if I didn’t do exercise.
>>>  Time goes by, and exercising becomes their habit. I feel anxious if I don't exercise
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