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장지혁/2024-04-22

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
I think children should be given a regularallowance because when children want to buy something they need their own money. If they always ask their parents when they want to buy something children may be careful about that and I think children have to learn about how to use money wisely.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hello, Henry! I see your point. Giving children a regular allowance is an important step in teaching financial independence and decision-making skills. ^^
~ Teacher Maxine

I think children should be given a regularallowance because when children want to buy something they need their own money. 
>> I think children should be given a regular allowance because, when children want to buy something, they need their own money. 

If they always ask their parents when they want to buy something children may be careful about that and I think children have to learn about how to use money wisely.
>> If they always ask their parents when they want to buy something, the children may not be as careful about that, and I think children have to learn how to use money wisely.
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