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The business I want to set up.

임성준/2024-04-17

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
1. What kind of business do you want to set up? >>> I wan to set up the shelter for abandoned dogs. Actually when I was 18 years old, I want to be the veterinarian and take care of abandoned dogs. But sadly, my score was insufficient. Although my past dream does not come true, I still want to take care of them. So if I have a chance, I want to build the shelter for them. Maybe it cannot be expected to earn profits but it is best business that can bring me the huge satisfaction. 2. What are the dangers of having our own business >>> Maybe It will be support fund. Because the shelter is nonprofit organization if I cannot recieve any support, it cannot be operated. I want that the support for weak, for example people or animals, will be wided and be much.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hello, Brian!
That's a wonderful aspiration! It's admirable that you want to provide a safe haven for abandoned dogs. Even though your past dream didn't come true, your determination to care for these animals is truly commendable. Building a shelter for them would not only benefit the dogs but also bring immense satisfaction to you. It's fulfilling to pursue something that aligns with your passion and values. If you have the opportunity to make it happen, I'm sure it will be a meaningful endeavor. ^^
~ Teacher Maxine

I wan to set up the shelter for abandoned dogs. 
>> I want to set up a shelter for abandoned dogs.

Actually when I was 18 years old, I want to be the veterinarian and take care of abandoned dogs. 
>> Actually, when I was 18 years old, I wanted to be a veterinarian and take care of abandoned dogs.

But sadly, my score was insufficient. 
>> CORRECT!

Although my past dream does not come true, I still want to take care of them. 
>> Although my past dream did not come true, I still want to take care of them.

So if I have a chance, I want to build the shelter for them. 
>> CORRECT!

Maybe it cannot be expected to earn profits but it is best business that can bring me the huge satisfaction.
>> Maybe it cannot be expected to earn profits, but it is the best business that can bring me immense satisfaction.

Maybe It will be support fund. 
>> Maybe it will be a support fund.

Because the shelter is nonprofit organization if I cannot recieve any support, it cannot be operated. 
>> Because the shelter is a nonprofit organization, if I cannot receive any support, it cannot be operated.

I want that the support for weak, for example people or animals, will be wided and be much.
>> I hope that the support for the weak, for example, people or animals, will be widespread and substantial.
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