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The implication of having an aging population.

김창민/2024-03-28

회원님의 올려주신 영작문

We talked about this issues at the class on March 28 :) But I want to express my opinions more. The increasing of population the elderly and decreasing of birthrate are very serious social issues in Korea. I think aging phenomenon in Korea is serious when I realized that amount of my pension will be small after retirement even if I pay a lot of pension premium :( But I think Korean government don't try to make fundamental solutions. I was very shocked that government announced a policy of hiring foreign domestic workers to solve the low birthrate! In Korea, gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men. Also I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons of for the decline in birth rates. Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution of increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

I want to clap as I am very impressed with your answer, Min. ^^ It’s very rare nowadays that people like you would analyze these social dilemmas. Amazing and fantastic work!

-Khai

We talked about this issues at the class on March 28 :)

>> CORRECT

But I want to express my opinions more.

>> CORRECT
OR
>> However, I would like to share more of what I think.

The increasing of population the elderly and decreasing of birthrate are very serious social issues in Korea.

>> The increase in the elderly population and the decrease in birthrate are very serous social issues in Korea.

I think aging phenomenon in Korea is serious when I realized that amount of my pension will be small after retirement even if I pay a lot of pension premium :(

>> I think the aging phenomenon in Korea is serious. I realized that the amount of my pension will be small after my retirement, even if I pay the premium. :(

But I think Korean government don't try to make fundamental solutions.

>> But I think the Korean government doesn’t think about this and doesn’t try to find fundamental solutions.

I was very shocked that government announced a policy of hiring foreign domestic workers to solve the low birthrate!

>> CORRECT

In Korea, gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men.

>> In Korea, the gender salary gap is the most severe among the OECD countries, and the unemployment rate of women is higher than that of men.

Also I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons of for the decline in birth rates.

>> Also, I think that the social atmosphere in which husbands don't help with childcare is one of the key reasons for the decline in birth rates.

Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution of increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.

>> Therefore, I insist the fundamental solution to increasing birthrate is improving Korean's gender sensitivity.