¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can people maintain good health?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿©*Âù
2025-04-08 142

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. First of all, they can keep their health by working out. All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey Chan! Great job! You used cohesive devices well and explained both points clearly. Just be careful with small grammar mistakes. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. 
>> I think there are two main ways that people can stay healthy.
OR
>>I believe there are two key means people can maintain good health.
First of all, they can keep their health by working out. 
Correct, or
>>Firstly, engaging in regular exercise is a highly effective way to stay fit.
All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. 
>>All doctors have said that any exercise can enhance their health, both mentally and physically
OR
>>Many health professionals agree that physical activity improves both mental and physical well-being.
Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. 
>>Second, diet also helps people maintain their fitness.
OR
>>Secondly, maintaining a balanced diet also plays an essential role in staying healthy.
Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.
>>Eating healthy food like fruit in moderation and avoiding stimulating foods are superb ways to preserve their health.
OR
>>Consuming nutritious foods such as fruit in moderation, and avoiding overly processed or spicy items, are excellent ways to protect one¡¯s health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143352 Where is it best to do some workout ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 198
143351 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 188
143350 2025.03.31 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 186
143349 gap ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 198
143348 Do you believe cheating can ever be justified in certain... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 230
143347 Can you think of a situation where using the wrong greeting... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 225
143346 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 189
143345 Experiencing discrimination or prejudice. ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 157
143344 Money tree. ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 198
143343 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 189
143342 I wrote book review about \'How the World Rand Our of... ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 194
143341 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-01 172
143340 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 195
143339 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 0
143338 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 212
143337 What do you consider first when liking music, the lyrics or the... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 231
143336 Camping! ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 247
143335 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 1
143334 Have you ever felt that painting takes too much time and effort? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 161
143333 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-31 137

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04