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If you had the power to solve one world issue, what would this be and how would the world change onc

작성자: 박*호
2025-03-27 28

회원님의 영작문

I feel happy just imagining that I have the power to solve world issues.
There are many world issues that threaten the sustainability of the Earth or that cause suffering to people.
I think the biggest threat to people among those issues is religion.
Of course, many people including you, may not agree, but my argument is this.
There are many religions in the world such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and Buddhism.
I believe those religions are here to spiritually rescue and make people happy.
I am not sure how many people those religions have saved spiritually, but it's clear that there are a lot of people who have died from religious conflicts.
In the Middle Ages, European and Arab countries fought in the Crusades, which were caused by religious conflicts, and killed many people.
Even now, Israel and Palestine are fighting, killing many people.
So, if I had a strong power, I would either eliminate religion or unite religions.
Of course, I know very well that it is impossible.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Soon Ho^^
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 
Actually, it's quite confident of you to assume that I disagree. 
_T. SHAY^^
***
I feel happy just imagining that I have the power to solve world issues.
>>Correct
>>It makes me happy just to imagine having the power to solve global problems.
There are many world issues that threaten the sustainability of the Earth or that cause suffering to people.
>>Correct
OR: Many global issues threaten the sustainability of the Earth and bring suffering to people.
I think the biggest threat to people among those issues is religion.
>>Correct
OR: I think among all the issues, religion is the biggest threat. 
Of course, many people including you, may not agree, but my argument is this.
>>Correct
OR: Of course, not everyone will agree, but my this is what I think.
There are many religions in the world such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and Buddhism.
>>Correct
OR: The world is home to many religions, including Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, Buddhism and many more.
I believe those religions are here to spiritually rescue and make people happy.
>>I believe those religions are here to offer spiritual guidance and make people happy.
I am not sure how many people those religions have saved spiritually, but it's clear that there are a lot of people who have died from religious conflicts.
>>Correct
OR: I'm not sure how many people been spiritually saved by these religions, but it's undeniable that religious conflicts have caused great loss and suffering.
In the Middle Ages, European and Arab countries fought in the Crusades, which were caused by religious conflicts, and killed many people.
>>Correct
OR: In the Middle Ages, religious conflicts led to the Crusades, in which European and Arab nations fought, causing the deaths of many people.
Even now, Israel and Palestine are fighting, killing many people.
>>Correct
OR: The ongoing conflict between Israel and Palestine continues to claim many lives. 
So, if I had a strong power, I would either eliminate religion or unite religions.
>>Correct
OR: So, if I had a superpower, I would either eliminate the divisions caused by religion or find a way to unite them.
Of course, I know very well that it is impossible.
>>Correct
OR: Of course, I am fully aware that it's not possible.

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