¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you like to do in your free time?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-14 123

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, you¡¯ve expressed your thoughts deeply and meaningfully! I made some corrections to improve clarity, sentence flow, and natural phrasing. Your writing effectively conveys the struggle of finding true rest, which makes it very relatable. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

I want to do something that makes my mind and body comfortable together in my free time.
>> I want to do something that makes both my mind and body feel at ease in my free time.

But even though my body is resting, I find myself my mind constantly thinks about something.
>> But even when my body is resting, I find that my mind is constantly thinking about something.

I don't know if I'll ever find a real rest which both my mind and body are comfortable while I'm alive.
>> I don't know if I'll ever experience true rest, where both my mind and body feel at ease, while I'm alive.

Because I feel more tired if the work that I thought was resting both in mind and body takes a little longer.
>> In fact, I feel even more tired if an activity I thought would be restful for both my mind and body lasts too long.

The free time I want doesn't matter what I do, but it's the time when I can do what comes to mind.
>> The kind of free time I want isn¡¯t about what I do, but about having the freedom to do whatever comes to mind.

Time to control my rest and tension and doing what comes to mind right away, that's what I want to do in my free time.
>> Having the ability to balance rest and tension while doing whatever comes to mind, that¡¯s what I truly want in my free time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142873 advice for someone to looking for true friends Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 186
142872 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 195
142871 Homework ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 193
142870 My favorite tropical fruit is ¡®mango¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 201
142869 homework ¾ç*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 3
142868 The homework for March 4th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 198
142867 Who is the greatest founder of a company that you know? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 3
142866 Who among your family members loves eating the most? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 1
142865 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 199
142864 wild bear ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 192
142863 2025.03.04 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 185
142862 abandon ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 1
142861 What do you feel most people¡¯s lives are driven by? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 211
142860 How do past experiences shape your appreciation of life? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 204
142859 What other cuisines have you tried aside from Vietnamese cuisine... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 186
142858 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 284
142857 using technology during dinner Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 263
142856 Why do you think some people believes in astrology? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 203
142855 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 0
142854 How do you differentiate your job from a doctor when it comes to... ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-03-04 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04