¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work life balance

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-13 154

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.

Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
>> One of the biggest challenges we face today is achieving harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
>> This stems from long working hours and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.
>> However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed through abundant job opportunities and policy aid.
Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
>> Having long working hours has brought various drawbacks, even though it can lead to high productivity.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
>> Correct
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
>> Therefore, governments have an important role in regulating the relationship between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
>> Firstly, city agencies should provide high-quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.
>> Secondly, they need to support companies and workers by providing financial aid, such as tax reductions for companies and support funds for workers.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142946 What is your favorite dessert? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 191
142945 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 181
142944 What is your favorite part of your daily schedule? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 164
142943 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142942 dear jane ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 174
142941 Why do you think more people choose not to get married recently? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 241
142940 How technology has Improved our lifestyle ±è*±æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 198
142939 Receiving help È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 203
142938 Yes, I like sushi. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 208
142937 The homework for March 7th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 187
142936 How does regular physical activity benefit mental health and... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 0
142935 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 236
142934 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 238
142933 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 235
142932 Do you like sushi? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142931 Homework☺️ ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 182
142930 3/7 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142929 If you could design your own violin keychain from scratch, what... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 191
142928 Talk about the most extreme activity that you\'ve tried. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 176
142927 The most unusual food ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 181

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04