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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

.

작성자: 김*인
2025-03-10 163

회원님의 영작문

I totally agree with the opinion that sports are important part of education.
First of all, by sports students can improve their physical strength. And this physical strength is basic for the everything in the world. Even studying, that seems to work out without lots of movement, actually requires lots of stamina, since the one has to be keep focused by using his or her brain. To let students try various things without strength limitation, it's necessary to help reinforce stamina by educating sports.
Second, sports help students have strong mental health. In sports games, students experience competing with each other. Sometimes they are winner but sometimes they are loser. Through this they learn how to control their own minds. And in the process of working hard to win they can understand the hardships they have to overcome to achieve a goal and they would be able to handle more stressful things later.
Therefore I think sports are necessary in the education.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! I completely agree with you! They offer much more than physical fitness; they teach life skills that will benefit students long after they graduate. Thank you for sharing!
-T. Sonny
I totally agree with the opinion that sports are important part of education.
>>I totally agree with the opinion that sports are an important part of education.
First of all, by sports students can improve their physical strength. 
>>First of all, sports help students improve their physical strength.
And this physical strength is basic for the everything in the world. 
>>This physical strength is fundamental for everything in the world.
Even studying, that seems to work out without lots of movement, actually requires lots of stamina, since the one has to be keep focused by using his or her brain. 
>>Even studying, which might seem like it doesn’t require much physical movement, actually demands a lot of stamina because one must stay focused and use their brain.
To let students try various things without strength limitation, it's necessary to help reinforce stamina by educating sports.
>>To allow students to try various activities without being limited by physical strength, it is necessary to help reinforce stamina through sports education.
Second, sports help students have strong mental health. 
>>Second, sports help students have mental strength.
In sports games, students experience competing with each other. 
>>In sports competitions, students experience both winning and losing.
Sometimes they are winner but sometimes they are loser. 
>>Sometimes they are winners, but sometimes they are losers.
Through this they learn how to control their own minds. 
>>Through this, they learn how to control their emotions and manage both success and failure.
And in the process of working hard to win they can understand the hardships they have to overcome to achieve a goal and they would be able to handle more stressful things later.
>>Additionally, by working hard to achieve victory, they understand the challenges they must overcome to reach their goals and help them develop the resilience to handle more stressful situations in the future.
Therefore I think sports are necessary in the education.
>>Therefore, I believe sports are necessary in education.
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